Mr Monk and the Ex
by PrincessAndula
Summary: Monk learns to deal with emotions again after Trudy's murder is solved, but can he navigate relationships well enough to help his assistant when her ex is accused of murder? Rated T for possible violence...after all it is a murder mystery.
1. Cold Open and Theme Song

"Shhh, Steven…you'll wake Julie!"

"I thought," Lieutenant Steven Albright said between kisses, "That she was away at Berkley."

"She ran out of clothes, so she came home for the weekend to do laundry. It's cheaper that way and I get to see her more."

"And here I was hoping I would get to see you more…"

"I'm not the one who ships out in a submarine for months at a time, Mister," Natalie Teeger responded before she started nibbling his ear.

"RIIIIIIIIIIING!" went Natalie's cell phone.

Steven leaned back agains the couch cushions and looked at his watch. "It's two-thirty AM. Who would be calling you?"

Natalie leaned past him to reach for her purse on the end table. "It's Mr. Monk. Hi, boss!... No, for once you didn't wake me…I know I forgot to call you with the weather forecast…No, I just got home from a date with Steven…Yes, I know it's two-thirty in the morning…don't you think it's a little late to be calling me?..."Natalie got up and walked over to her computer. "Mostly sunny, high of sixty-eight degrees…Sweet dreams, Mr. Monk."

"Does he often call you in the middle of the night?"

"Well, sometimes, when he can't sleep. He's been a lot better since he solved Trudy's case, but…I'm sorry Steven. Where were we?"

"I think we were right about here," he replied, pulling her into his lap and kissing her passionately.

Natalie slid her arms around his neck as the kiss deepened. When they finally stopped to take a breath, her eyes were still closed as she leaned her forehead against his. "Oh, Mitch," she moaned.

"Mitch?"

Natalie's eyes flew open. "Steven! I…"

"Did you just call me Mitch?"

"I guess…I mean…I was married to him for eight years…and sometimes being with you reminds me so much of him…especially when you're in uniform…and…you were his best friend…and…"

"I can't do it, Nat."

"What?"

"I can't compete with your neurotic boss or your dead husband. I'll never be the most important man in your life. I was going to ask you to marry me, but I don't think I can spend the rest of my life in third place. Goodbye, Natalie."

"Steven, wait!"

But he was already out the front door.

It's a jungle out there  
Disorder and confusion everywhere  
No one seems to care  
Well I do  
Hey, who's in charge here?  
It's a jungle out there  
Poison in the very air we breathe  
Do you know what's in the water that you drink?  
Well I do, and it's amazing  
People think I'm crazy, 'cause I worry all the time  
If you paid attention, you'd be worried too  
You better pay attention  
Or this world we love so much might just kill you  
I could be wrong now, but I don't think so!  
'Cause there's a jungle out there.  
It's a jungle out there.


	2. Scene 1: Who would have thought?

"Mom, I can stay if you want. We can rent a movie and eat ice cream straight from the tub…"

"No, sweetie, you've got class, and I have to go to work. Steven was right, he deserves someone who isn't just trying to replace her late husband. I care about him, but really, I was just with him because it made me feel closer to your dad. I see that now."

"Are you sure you're okay, Mom?"

"I'm fine, sweetie. I just need a double homicide or something to get my mind off it."

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, baby." Natalie kissed her daughter goodbye and drove to her employer's apartment.

"Mr. Monk! I'm here!"

"In the kitchen, Nat!" called her boss, Adrian Monk.

"Hi, boss!"

"You're seven minutes late. If you couldn't be on time, couldn't you have at least made it an even num…Natalie, you've been crying. What's wrong?"

"How can you tell?"

"Natalie, I'm the world's greatest detective. You think you can fool me?"

"You haven't always been the greatest at reading other people's emotions, Mr. Monk."

"I guess you're right. I used to be; when Trudy was alive. She used to say she could never get anything past me…of course, she fooled me the day she died…" Tears welled up in Adrian's eyes.

Natalie patted his shoulder and pulled a pair of tissues from her purse. Handing one to Adrian she quipped, "Great, now we can both be miserable."

"What's wrong, Natalie? Did something happen to Julie?"

"No, she's terrific. It's Steven."

"Did he die?"

"No, Mr. Monk, he broke up with me."

"Idiot," Adrian muttered under his breath.

"Did you say something, Mr. Monk?"

"I said, the man is an idiot."

"Thank you, Mr. Monk." Natalie hugged him.

"Um…Natalie…"

"Oh, sorry, did I hug you too long?"

"No, um…did he…is it my fault? I mean, because of what I told him last time he was here?"

Natalie glared at him. "What did you say?"

"I…um…I told him that you kissed a leper."

"How did that come up?"

"Um…it was something like, 'Hey Steven, nice weather we're having, did you know that Natalie made out with a leper once?"

"Why would you say that?"

"Well, I saw him kiss you, and that reminded me…so I just said it. I'm sorry if that's why he broke up with you."

"I don't think so, Mr. Monk. I think he broke up with me because when we were kissing on the couch last night, I accidentally called him 'Mitch'."

"Do you do that to all your dates? No wonder you go through them so fast."

"No, only with Steven. See, I think maybe I was just with Steven because the uniform and the memories reminded me of Mitch."

"I almost made that mistake once."

"You did?"

"Before I met you, I was working a case and the prime suspect was a woman who looked a lot like Trudy. She was innocent, and she was in danger from the real killer, and I…well, I stayed over at her house to protect her…in the guest room of course…Anyway, I was only interested in her because she reminded me of Trudy, and she was only interested in me because I reminded her of her husband…"

"Was he dead, too?"

"No, he was in a mental hospital in Europe. After spending some time with me, she decided to go back to him."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Monk. You must have been heartbroken."

"Only that she had her husband to go back to, and I didn't have Trudy. I was far from ready to move on, then. But it was an important lesson. I realized, even if her husband had been dead, it wouldn't have worked out between us. You can't replace true love. I don't know if it's possible to find true love again, but I think…I think you just have to stick with a few key characteristics that are important to you…and not try to find a carbon copy."

"So which of Trudy's characteristics would you look for in a woman now?"

"Her compassion, her devotion to justice, her patience, her optimism…I think any woman would have to have those characteristics to put up with me."

Natalie giggled.

"I hope…I hope that Steven wasn't exactly a carbon copy of Mitch anyway…"

Natalie stared at him questioningly. "Why is that?"

"Because I'd like to think that Mitch was good enough for you and Julie. I've never thought that Steven was quite good enough for my girls."

"Steven is a better man than you give him credit for, Mr. Monk…but you're right...he's no Mitch."

"So next time, instead of looking for Mitch's uniform, or Mitch's hair, or whatever you've been looking for…"

"Next time, I'll look for Mitch's courage, his intelligence, his stubbornness, his passion for doing the right thing."

Adrian awkwardly patted her on the back. "I think you're getting the picture, Teeger."

Nat wiped her eyes. "Thanks for the pep talk, Boss. Who would have thought I'd be coming to you for relationship advice?"

Monk's phone rang. Remarkably, he picked it up himself.

"Hello?... Oh, hey Leland… No, we're not busy… Yes, she's right here with me… A suspect?... Me and not her?... I don't know if I can do that… Well, yes, but she is my assistant…well, think of it like a partner; you don't take a case without your partner…Really?...Yes, she just told me about that…Well, let's leave it up to her, shall we?"

Adrian hung up and turned to face the blond woman who was sitting on his counter.

"Were you and the captain just talking about me?"

"Yes, and could you please take your…buttocks…off my food preparation surface?"

Natalie hopped down. "Thanks for calling me your partner. Why didn't he want me to be on the case?"

"You caught that, huh? Here's the thing…there's a suspect they just brought in for questioning on a homicide who swears he's innocent and he's asked for me to investigate…but the suspect didn't want you to come."

Natalie's eyes narrowed. "Is it someone I know?"

Monk nodded as he spritzed cleaning spray onto the counter.

"Steven?"

"You're getting good at deduction, partner."

"Wouldn't JAG be in charge?"

"The SFPD has jurisdiction over the case. If Albright is charged, he'll be represented by a JAG lawyer."

"Why wouldn't he want me to be his alibi? I mean, if the crime was committed while he was on leave; we spent at bunch of time together."

"We'll know for sure when we get there, but my guess is the crime was committed while he was not with you. And seeing as how he dumped you last night…"

"Oh, thanks for bringing that up!"


End file.
